KieZ's Xanga

Take a walk down memory lane...

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:28:10 GMT

2:28 pm

Recently, I have been taking a lot of trips down memory lane… unintentionally.

Yesterday I was browsing the Christmas Goodies section of DJ’s in the city, waiting for JL to use the toilet. How cute were those chocolates and candies! I found myself thinking, ‘oh these are so adorable! Perhaps I should get some for Shirley’s little cousins’ and then I thought ‘Hang on, I seem to remember being here, thinking the exact same thing before!’ It was then that I realized, about a year ago after the Redbull Air Race, while also waiting for JL and his friend to use the toilet, I was also browsing the Christmas Goodies section of DJ’s, also thinking the exact thing as I was yesterday! It has been a year, ALREADY!!! It sure didn’t feel that long ago. Time sure flies… at a scary speed.

And then there was that time I was walking down the Terrace… another office worker amongst hundreds others during busy lunch hour, walking quickly to or from lunch. I was suddenly reminded of the time two and a half years ago, when I was in my final semester, a soon-to-be graduate desperately applying for jobs. I remember those job interviews in the city, which I would put on my best working attire for, and was always so nervous I could never think straight. I remember standing on the Terrace after those interviews, full of hopes and uncertainties, wishing so hard I would get the job so I could one day join all those professional looking people walking around me. Then I remembered the first day at work – how I felt as I put on my new top and new skirt, and how I felt when I walked on the Terrace so proud and happy that I was finally one of them. I still felt out of place, but I knew that from the outside, to people who didn’t know, I looked exactly like any other professionals around me. And that made me happy.

That was two years and three months ago. How time flies… Now I am just another person in the corporate world, who’s so overwhelmed by work-fatigue. Two years and three months into joining the corporate world, and already wondering how the heck am I going to survive the next 30 years knowing I’m working my buttocks off funding the drug and drinking addiction of some bum down the road, while I sit here at home using internet which is slower than most people, on a rip-off plan with quota so meager that it bursts every other month, because none of the hard earned tax money I so diligently contributed to has been spent on making my life more comfortable.

Now that I have become a bitter whiny little woman, it is good to take the occasional trip down memory lane. As it reminds me that I, too, was once young and naïve and the world was carefree and happy. Every now and then, it’s good to be reminded so we can try to be less bitter, and more appreciative. Frown less, and smile more….

사랑해요...

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 11:05:28 GMT

7:56 pm

25th June 2009...

That was the first time I told him I love him

He didn't say anything; just held me closer, tighter

And that meant more than anything he could've said at that point

Perhaps he might have thought I was just semi-drunk talking

But I know the alcohol merely gave me the courage to say what I have been wanting to say...

On a totally different note... I totally love this MV. the dance moves are soooo cool

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 16:33:00 GMT

1:20 am

almost two years after being a consultant, there is still one thing that i struggle with - guilt.

life as a consultant means that you spend 95% of the time out at the client's office, working with the client and the people in that office more than with your own colleagues. when you are on a project long enough, sometimes you would come across someone from the client's company that you genuinely like and can get along with. you would talk and joke when you see each other in the office, and get to know each other better. but sometimes... whether you want to or not, whether you are directly involved or not, and whether you agree to it or not, these people may end up being negatively impacted by your project - be it losing their job, or having their job so badly impacted by the project outcomes that they choose to resign, or whatever the case may be. all of a sudden, you are afraid to bump into or see that person. even though you may have absolutely nothing to do with the decision or if you didn't even know it was coming, and even though you know the decision is the right decision for your client, you may still feel a great sense of guilt. you start to feel that the person probably hates your guts now, and that they are probably feeling like you betrayed them. they may even be thinking that the whole time you were being nice to them, you were just being a hypocrite, a fake. you know you weren't, but at the same time you could totally understand why they'd feel that way... and it makes you feel awful, guilty.

for all the aspects of my job that i love, there is always this that i struggle with. i guess no job is perfect. and i guess slowly i will get immuned and get used to it. perhaps one day i will be able to feel completely guilt-free and indifferent when things like this happen ... but then again, do i really want to end up that way?...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mon, 11 May 2009 12:39:16 GMT

9:34 pm

幸福

blissful

행복해

bahagia

那你呢？你也幸福吗？。。。

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 11:17:41 GMT

9:08 pm

so much has happened in this past one month. i suppose the two main news are...

1) oppa has gotten his second visa approved! meaning he gets to stay here for another year! meaning we get to spend at least another year together! ^^

2) we have decided to go on a holiday together... not only because we both really need a holiday, but also to celebrate the fact that his second visa is approved, and to celebrate my 25th birthday!

SO!

in 18 days, i will be in bali... enjoying cheap $10 per hour massages, as well as sipping one of those "cocktail with little umbrellas in it" by the pool / beach

eeps! i can't wait! exciting time ahead indeed! ^^

each day always seems to pass by too slowly when you're counting down to something exciting!

Monday, February 16, 2009

Mon, 16 Feb 2009 10:24:36 GMT

8:16 pm

Our first Valentine's Day

it was a great night...

our first valentine's day... but why does it feel like it will be our last?

why does it feel like the end is near?.......

2009...

Sun, 18 Jan 2009 12:36:14 GMT

9:52 pm

first and foremost, a happy belated new year to all a little late, i know, but hey... 3 weeks into 52 weeks is not that bad right? right? heh.

so this is how it feels like to be "too busy to blog". heck, too busy to even be connected to the internet after work, i should say. for a month or two now, with work and everything else, i just haven't found the time or the energy to switch on my computer after i come home from work. i used to wonder how it's possible that people say they're "too busy to blog". surely it doesn't take that long to just type out your thoughts i used to think. i guess i can't really say i am "too busy" ... after all, if i really wanted to, i can always find ten minutes to switch on my computer and write a blog entry. it's more like laziness, i'll say... or just CBB. with work, with friends, with family, with him... there're just too many things keeping me occupied.

so brand new year eh? according to my zodiac forecast, this is supposed to be a great year for us rats - in whatever aspects of life. we may have to be careful with certain things, but generally, the outlook's great. let's hope so! the zodiac is based on lunar calendar, however, which means my 'good year' is supposed to start 26th January. that being said, things have been going great so far lately...

work wise, i've recently been promoted at work... so that's great. i was a little worried about not getting promotion this round - if i hadn't been promoted, i'd be seriously thinking there's something wrong with my work performance. anyhow, at least now i know i'm on the right track doing the right things

love wise, things have been going great with JL. there are still times when certain things he does gets on my nerves, but then again, i guess it's almost impossible to find someone who matches you completely in every way. after all, he has been very patient and very understanding with me. i never expected myself to be the clingy type of girlfriend, so at times i surprise myself with how much time i ask of him. on the other hand, unsurprisingly, my stubborness hasn't been easy to dealt with either. as S very aptly puts it, i have been pushing my luck. i know she's right. he has been very patient, quick to apologise and make it up to me whenever we have a disagreement even when it's not his fault, and quietly absorbs and gives in to my (at times) unreasonable demands whenever i show the slightest hint of upsetness. i know i can't go on like this, for chances are, one day he'd have enough and call it quits. so it's a learning curve for me too...

it's a strange feeling. to be so uncertain of the future, and of the other person, and yet blindly going forward without stopping to think and evaluate the situation. so unrational, so unlike me. sometimes it scares me to think i'm doing all this... but i guess at the end of the day, i've chosen not to think about it. i've chosen, so i will not regret, whatever happens.... i hope.

one question i've been thinking about lately has made me want to write this blog entry, however...

if you know that one day you'll have to be separated, would you rather:

1) break it off now, with the hope that the sooner you break it off, the lesser the pain? or

2) risk it, enjoy each day, and worry about the pain later when it comes?

option 1) would seem like the rational thing to do... but then again, of course there's the risk that with option 1), you'll be going through the pain twice. once is now, when you break it off, and then again when you do say goodbye for real (i.e. he leaves the country). what about the period between these two events? wouldn't it also hurt a lot when you know he's still around, yet you can't contact him, can't see him? especially when you know that the reason you broke up is not due to problems or uncomparability, but because of the unfortunate circumstances that forces you to unwillingly let go?

why does the world have to be so complicated? can't we all just live happily ever after? blah.

Repeat after me... I am blessed.

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 06:55:13 GMT

4:48 pm

I hate Tuesdays. I believe that Tuesday is just the worst and unluckiest day of the week. However, on this rare ocassion that is a good Tuesday, I am feeling a little bit... how should I describe it... preachy?

So! I shall share a bit of my thoughts which I had in my mind this morning!

I think most of us are guilty of one thing - I know I definitely am - and that is taking our senses for granted. Which goes back to the point that human beings always take the little things in life for granted. Little things, which are often the biggest blessings, that we tend to overlook.

Our eyesight, our sense of smell, or sense of taste, our sense of touch, our hearing...

I remember someone once asked me if I had to give up one of my five senses, which one would it be? It is definitely one of the most difficult questions I've had to answer.

Ask yourself that question. Take one, or five minutes, to think about it.

... and learn to appreciate what you've got.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 01:52:32 GMT

11:50 am

after much relaxation, non-asian food, sight-seeing, laughter and a total of 850 km's of driving, our very spontaneous yet much needed long weekend down south has very quickly come and gone....

... more pictures to follow

3 months, and counting...

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 11:18:35 GMT

9:10 pm

i did not even realise it!

for no particular reason, i decided to look at the calendar and whaddyaknow? it's been 3 months

amazing how much can happen in a short 3 months time.

i am the same, but i am different.

i hate separation. i hate goodbye. the next few months will be so tough... but i will constantly remind myself of what you said - only with goodbye comes hello.

i will be strong!