Interests:good food, good bubble tea, good conversations, good music, good tv, piano Expertise:sleeping, eating, *160*-ing, arguing, PMS-ing, laughing, being laughed at, being lame, the art of procrastination! um.. and waitressing?:P Occupation:Student-wannabe
Recently, I have been taking a lot of trips down memory lane… unintentionally.
Yesterday I was browsing the Christmas Goodies section of DJ’s in the city, waiting for JL to use the toilet. How cute were those chocolates and candies! I found myself thinking, ‘oh these are so adorable! Perhaps I should get some for Shirley’s little cousins’ and then I thought ‘Hang on, I seem to remember being here, thinking the exact same thing before!’ It was then that I realized, about a year ago after the Redbull Air Race, while also waiting for JL and his friend to use the toilet, I was also browsing the Christmas Goodies section of DJ’s, also thinking the exact thing as I was yesterday! It has been a year, ALREADY!!! It sure didn’t feel that long ago. Time sure flies… at a scary speed.
And then there was that time I was walking down the Terrace… another office worker amongst hundreds others during busy lunch hour, walking quickly to or from lunch. I was suddenly reminded of the time two and a half years ago, when I was in my final semester, a soon-to-be graduate desperately applying for jobs. I remember those job interviews in the city, which I would put on my best working attire for, and was always so nervous I could never think straight. I remember standing on the Terrace after those interviews, full of hopes and uncertainties, wishing so hard I would get the job so I could one day join all those professional looking people walking around me. Then I remembered the first day at work – how I felt as I put on my new top and new skirt, and how I felt when I walked on the Terrace so proud and happy that I was finally one of them. I still felt out of place, but I knew that from the outside, to people who didn’t know, I looked exactly like any other professionals around me. And that made me happy.
That was two years and three months ago. How time flies… Now I am just another person in the corporate world, who’s so overwhelmed by work-fatigue. Two years and three months into joining the corporate world, and already wondering how the heck am I going to survive the next 30 years knowing I’m working my buttocks off funding the drug and drinking addiction of some bum down the road, while I sit here at home using internet which is slower than most people, on a rip-off plan with quota so meager that it bursts every other month, because none of the hard earned tax money I so diligently contributed to has been spent on making my life more comfortable.
Now that I have become a bitter whiny little woman, it is good to take the occasional trip down memory lane. As it reminds me that I, too, was once young and naïve and the world was carefree and happy. Every now and then, it’s good to be reminded so we can try to be less bitter, and more appreciative. Frown less, and smile more….
almost two years after being a consultant, there is still one thing that i struggle with - guilt.
life as a consultant means that you spend 95% of the time out at the client's office, working with the client and the people in that office more than with your own colleagues. when you are on a project long enough, sometimes you would come across someone from the client's company that you genuinely like and can get along with. you would talk and joke when you see each other in the office, and get to know each other better. but sometimes... whether you want to or not, whether you are directly involved or not, and whether you agree to it or not, these people may end up being negatively impacted by your project - be it losing their job, or having their job so badly impacted by the project outcomes that they choose to resign, or whatever the case may be. all of a sudden, you are afraid to bump into or see that person. even though you may have absolutely nothing to do with the decision or if you didn't even know it was coming, and even though you know the decision is the right decision for your client, you may still feel a great sense of guilt. you start to feel that the person probably hates your guts now, and that they are probably feeling like you betrayed them. they may even be thinking that the whole time you were being nice to them, you were just being a hypocrite, a fake. you know you weren't, but at the same time you could totally understand why they'd feel that way... and it makes you feel awful, guilty.
for all the aspects of my job that i love, there is always this that i struggle with. i guess no job is perfect. and i guess slowly i will get immuned and get used to it. perhaps one day i will be able to feel completely guilt-free and indifferent when things like this happen ... but then again, do i really want to end up that way?...
so much has happened in this past one month. i suppose the two main news are...
1) oppa has gotten his second visa approved! meaning he gets to stay here for another year! meaning we get to spend at least another year together! ^^
2) we have decided to go on a holiday together... not only because we both really need a holiday, but also to celebrate the fact that his second visa is approved, and to celebrate my 25th birthday!
SO!
in 18 days, i will be in bali... enjoying cheap $10 per hour massages, as well as sipping one of those "cocktail with little umbrellas in it" by the pool / beach
eeps! i can't wait! exciting time ahead indeed! ^^
each day always seems to pass by too slowly when you're counting down to something exciting!
